Its nice to spend the evening with people who matter... People you respect and look up to. As well as people you care about. Ah well... Hoping that my 3rd wish, the secret one, comes true.

I'll be 21 in a few minutes... What am I supposed to do now? All the questions are coming back. All the anxiety... The ache of going through a landmark in your life without having someone special to share it with. The yearning to have someone to go through life with... And not just anyone... Someone special.

'Daryl... Come on! You're still so young.'
Yes I am... I should quit whining. I should. But it doesn't make it any easier. I should stop behaving like a spoilt brat who can't tell right from wrong. Maybe I'm still sore. I don't know.
Adult already... Less room for mistakes. Less chances. Less slack. More responsibility.
I'm flailing and floundering even before I've started. This is ridiculous. I'm so afraid I'll miss it.

Dear God... Break me again if I need it. I don't want to miss it. I don't want to miss it. Cos I haven't been in the right frame of mind for 2 weeks and it sucks. It feels like I've heard and done all these things already. And it feels like I'm repeating myself and it feels like I stuck where I've been for all this time. And it sucks. I don't want to be stuck here. I want to fulfill what you've planned for me. I want to be dangerous for You. How can I be dangerous for You if I keep thinking about myself. Is there a solution? Or am I supposed to go on in spite of what I feel?
Please answer.
Amen